How can couples reverse the buildup of resentment once they notice it?

08.06.2025 01:59

How can couples reverse the buildup of resentment once they notice it?

By giving up the notion that someone has to “win” or that anyone loses by saying “you are right”, “I am sorry”, or “I can do better.”

By keeping in mind it’s OK to have different opinions and different experiences, and they both matter in equal measure.

By taking turns talking.

Who is the most trusted person in your life, and do they have the same trust on you?

By internalizing that responding with kindness is strength, not weakness.

By deciding to stop with the criticism and the nagging and instead say thank you for everything you do for me. Thank you for loving me.

By wanting to truly understand each other, despite feeling unheard.

I caught my husband of 20 years looking at inappropriate pics of women on TikTok or Instagram. I'm not sure., but when I told him he got mad and made excuses of why they popped up. I then told him how I've snuck on his phone and saw what he's been looking at . We had a horrible big fight. I asked him why did he even marry me when I see the type he likes . Nothing like me, I'm petite, blonde and blue eyes. These women are dark haired dark eyed and have curvy bodies, large breasts, etc. I just don't feel the same about him after this. I can't get over this

By learning to validate what the other is feeling. “I can absolutely see why you feel this way.”

By resolving to listen with curiosity rather than defensiveness.